Being pushed is not fun at all. Sometimes I feel I deserve a break from it for a day coz I have been looking at it EVERY SINGLE DAY. It has come to a point where I feel I do not have a life. And it's worse with parents who don't understand the shit you're going through and speaking to you like you're in high school. It gets worse with the festival coming in a few weeks. I don't wish to celebrate Syawal. It has come to a point that it meant nothing to me. Even the fasting month felt nothing. Geylang... I don't see a point in going to Geylang. I gave it a miss last year. I don't wish to be there this year too. If you see me there, there's a high possibility that I've been forced.
I think I have enough of being treated like a useless piece of crap. I just want to get the hell out of here. Out of this house. Nobody's changed. Nobody learnt anything during my absence. Thanks for thinking so lowly of me. Just leave me alone since you find me useless. Why bother finding me and asking me for help? WHY FREAKING BOTHER?! You don't know the shit to even get a PASS. You don't know the shit of having to think of you when I spend every single cent of your money. You don't know the feeling of failure. You don't know how it feels like to try to make ends meet. You don't know how much I've cried listening to the crap you said to me. You don't know how hurt I've been and how much it had scared me all these while hearing what you said to others. How useless and lazy you've thought of me. I'm better off by myself, thank you. Thank you for spending so much for my education that somehow you felt like is of no use for me coz I am still dumb in YOUR EYES. Maybe now, you will think of me as someone who's ungrateful. I'm not surprised.
